Tomorrow

No matter how hurt I am...
...I can't put into words how I feel.
I'm in a small town...
...and I shed never-ending tears.

Days that I can't see you...
...are almost the same as testing my own feelings.
Why is it that I don't know what I've got until it's all gone?

When I was with you...
...I felt like I was at my best.
I hate to admit it, but that's how I felt.
If I could turn back the hands of time...
...I'd make sure that next time...
...I'd choose you.

Thought I that I should share the lyrics sung by Asaku. Sadly, can't find the full song if there is exist one... slow and sad song.

Motivation

"I want to be a fireman." A typical line given by a little kid. Some says it because it's cool, heroic, or just plain awesome. There're many different reasons behind what we want to do; sometimes the reasons may just be plain retarded but it's what keeps us from stopping. As long as there's something to motivate us, perseverance will be there.
As for me, I feel like I have no motivation. There's no will, especially for school work. I do it because I don't want to let anyone down. I have a major, but it feels empty. I don't have the drive to continue pursuing it. I just let the flow drag me to where ever. I have different many different hobbies, but I never follow through it. I always think that it's not worth it, I can't be good at it, I'm not good enough. I learned to give up without even trying...is it because I don't have motivation...?
If so, how can I accomplish anything without motivation? How do I motivate ourselves to pursue something? (In your own opinion, does motivation come through inspiration? delusions? or what? ...etc?)

Instructors

Learned from awesome instructors, worth going to:
Kali?, Peaceful Warrior Aikido, Kemscrima-Doh (Kempo), Kemscrima-Doh(Escrima x 3), Shotokan, Uechi-ryu, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu...

Painful yet fun

So yesterday night at 10:00pm I went to a sparring session. There was a bunch of people I haven't met before and I thought I was the only one who was there for the first time. We just did 1 v 1, 2 v 1, 2v2, and other things. In the beginning everything was kind of relaxed for me since I had no idea how intense it's suppose to be. But as time went on, our punches and kicks got stronger. The whole thing was fun but there was one problem I had, there was a girl there.
I don't know her so I don't know how I should spar with her. Is that sexism? Holding back your punches because she's a girl? I don't really know, I mean I don't know where to hit!!! AHHH!!! so frustrating... If I did fight regularly, there's a chance that I might hit her chest; I would find that really awkward. What would you do if a guy sparred with you and hits you on the chest (if you're a girl)? Would you mind or no?

This is one of the cases where it's hard to treat a girl equally, for fighting anyways...

Memories

Always wondering if what we remember may or not be the real truth, especially when you were a kid; parents describes to us how we behaved, but we don't remember it happening. So we end up remembering the experience from a different source. Which makes me wonder if we should trust our memories.
Also, the fact that through biased emotions, there is a chance that what we remember is not the whole truth. Is there such thing as the "true" memory? False memories... bended memories from our own ignorance... a bunch of bs that which makes us. What defines who we are?